Jenny 的个人资料Congenital Diaphragmatic...照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
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8月14日 One of those daysDylan had his 4 month immunisations done today. He is 5 months old but because of his last chest infection Ive held off until he was healthy enough to have them done. My mum came with me because I couldnt bear to watch. Last time I cried after he had them done because he was screaming in pain and I could barely feed him or change his nappy. He had to have three injections - Two in one leg and one in the other. He screamed after the second and third ones but fell asleep shortly afterwards. I gave him a dose of panadol when we got home because he was obviously in alot of pain but hasnt been too bad since although he has been a little whiney tonight and Ive had a hard time trying to get him to sleep. I have just finished rocking him to sleep and for a moment when I looked at him almost asleep in my arms he looked exactly like Alex. It felt like a knife in my heart. I must admit that it doesnt happen often that Dylan will remind me of Alex because they look so different but it was just a moment that I had a flashback to Alex's last day and holding him in my arms.
I feel so guilty because I dont get to the cemetery every week like I used to before Dylan was born. Its just so hard to take Dylan out some days especially when its really cold and raining outside. We've now started to buy flowers which will last weeks rather than ones that will only last a few days because we just dont go there often enough. I feel like Im neglecting Alex which is silly of course because I know he isnt alive but maybe in some way Im neglecting his memory. I miss my little boy tonight. So much. Some days it hurts more than others and today is one of those days.
8月4日 What the heck ?I have no idea whats going on with my blog right now. It's driving me up the wall !! Things such as my photos etc seem to be missing but when I go and update they appear again and then disappear when I sign out. What am I doing wrong ? |
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